On way to supermarket I realise I have forgotten my purse. I start walking back, jump in a kind of cab, reach destination, driver stops. I say, “how did you know this is where I needed to be? He says, “I didn’t, this is Marks and Spencers.” Stop! Other celeb in cab with us. Is [...]
My World of Dreams – No.20. Charlie’s Angels
I’m a Charlie’s Angel but pre-occupied with pulling some curtains down in my old family home. I pull what I think is my gun out of my bag in a panic. It turns out to be a flip-top mobile phone and I wait for the bad guy to come round the corner. Is this because [...]
My World of Dreams – No.19. The pussy, the penis and the fighting dog
In my flat we all are; an Asian family with 3 children and their pet. I feel anxious about this funny looking bony dog which is the colour of red dust or clay and keeps coming at me. The wife tries to stop it but the husband does not seem to care. Does [...]
My World of Dreams – No.18. My boyfriend should marry Vanilla Ice
I’m planning my dream wedding – registry office then immediate party afterwards. I worry about not having enough space for all the guests. I think about having a really nice time with my pink trainers hidden beneath a long wedding dress with the main aim being a good time for all. [...]
My World of Dreams – No.17. Kracky Kremes and Chris Rock give me good lovin’
Looking through a window with friends while people make yummy doughnuts in a very skilled way then an old friend who is at the end of the production line ropes us into helping, we protest but fail. No-one in their right mind wants to expend energy going to all the effort of making a [...]
My World of Dreams – No.16. Work’s a bitch but it’s a carnival outside
So my boyfriend’s at work doing a test. I forget my bag at the desk next to his. God only knows why I’m there. He brings it over. I decide to sit at the front of the room out of the way till the test is over. There are some [...]
My World of Dreams – No.15. Destiny’s Child and good looking girls with bad breath
Back to school again; working in my maths book on equations, an old school friend comes and asks if I’ve done it. I think that I have done it. Not wanting to seem reluctant to share answers i tell her to pass me my blue workbook on the chest of drawers in my [...]
My World of Dreams – No.14. Foot fetish mice
In a bed with friends (all innocent of course) wriggling about because I’m anxious about mice coming. Then I am told to stop wriggling because that is what makes the mice come. I am scared of them coming in at the bottom of the bed under the duvet to bite my toes. [...]
My world of Dreams – No.13. What’s a small penis between friends?
A few weeks ago I had a weird flashback moment; noticing that Brokeback Mountain was on terrestrial TV I said to my boyfriend, “Oh, I haven’t seen that yet.” Mistakenly thinking that I was asking permission to watch this film (which he had always cheekily re-labelled Broke Arse Mountain) he said in that mildly [...]
My world of Dreams – No.12. Ex Big Brother housemates are setting up home in my mind
Here we go again. We’re onto the Z list stars now. Enter the star of the imaginatively titled MTV show Wannabe, Chanelle (aka Posh Spice wannabe) partying hard, sleeping during the day in bed in my old childhood home. Some guy comes in, looks in one of her shoe boxes for [...]
