Looking through a window with friends while people make yummy doughnuts in a very skilled way then an old friend who is at the end of the production line ropes us into helping, we protest but fail. No-one in their right mind wants to expend energy going to all the effort of making a [...]
So I’m Northern, so what? – No.5. What’s brown and sticky?
I’m a little disturbed by the fact that my son is becoming a bit of a London boy. I blame this on his father who has a complete inability to pronounce his T-Hs; as a result my son now has a speech impediment. Instead of saying ‘THink’ he says ‘Fink’, instead of saying [...]
My World of Dreams – No.16. Work’s a bitch but it’s a carnival outside
So my boyfriend’s at work doing a test. I forget my bag at the desk next to his. God only knows why I’m there. He brings it over. I decide to sit at the front of the room out of the way till the test is over. There are some [...]
The World of Children – No.10. My son, the leading manufacturer of snot in the UK
I have been stuck inside the flat for a week…a week and 1 day. My only respite is sticking my head outside an open window. Nobody comes by because they are afraid of being infected by what appears to be the world’s longest running cold. We two have been cell mates for [...]
Modern Day Dilemmas – No.22. The mid-week roast chicken
Why is it that when we go to the supermarket and find ourselves at the checkout with a basket full of stuff we didn’t know we needed we always say something stupid like, “I only came in for some milk,” ? The cashier can smile and act like she cares but really they care [...]
My World of Dreams – No.15. Destiny’s Child and good looking girls with bad breath
Back to school again; working in my maths book on equations, an old school friend comes and asks if I’ve done it. I think that I have done it. Not wanting to seem reluctant to share answers i tell her to pass me my blue workbook on the chest of drawers in my [...]
My World of Dreams – No.14. Foot fetish mice
In a bed with friends (all innocent of course) wriggling about because I’m anxious about mice coming. Then I am told to stop wriggling because that is what makes the mice come. I am scared of them coming in at the bottom of the bed under the duvet to bite my toes. [...]
My world of Dreams – No.13. What’s a small penis between friends?
A few weeks ago I had a weird flashback moment; noticing that Brokeback Mountain was on terrestrial TV I said to my boyfriend, “Oh, I haven’t seen that yet.” Mistakenly thinking that I was asking permission to watch this film (which he had always cheekily re-labelled Broke Arse Mountain) he said in that mildly [...]
My world of Dreams – No.12. Ex Big Brother housemates are setting up home in my mind
Here we go again. We’re onto the Z list stars now. Enter the star of the imaginatively titled MTV show Wannabe, Chanelle (aka Posh Spice wannabe) partying hard, sleeping during the day in bed in my old childhood home. Some guy comes in, looks in one of her shoe boxes for [...]
