So I’m at the supermarket (or perhaps the hairdressers). A guy asks me to watch his daughter who is actually a hair bobble split into 3 elasticated sections with red bits at the end. I open a random door. When she starts to quiver in my hands on the way back to my seat I imagine she is a worm and get freaked out (you would think that a man with a hair bobble for a daughter would on its own be enough to freak you out but who am I to question such things). Tripping forward clumsily, I drop her on the windowsill. Imagining I have damaged one of her elasticated limbs, I keep quiet and pretend nothing has happened.
Enter the Baldwin Brothers into phase 2 of my dream. All 4 are running, they are trying to avoid doing something but then they stop and decide to go back in the direction they just came from while upstairs in a building there’s some guy with a perfume bottle talking to his non-existent mother. He is a dastardly criminal.
For this, I blame the Baldwin Brothers. The Baldwin Brothers are truly omnipitent and omnipresent. I am convinced that I had this dream because this celebrity family has been always everywhere all the time for the last few decades. I recently read an article about their exploits and it seems their quest for world domination has not gone unnoticed. They are so clone-like that half the time I don’t know who’s who, there-in lies their power. Because of their facial similarities and constant weight fluctuations they all just blend into one. They are like those little cats in Dr Seuss’ story ‘The Cat in the Hat Comes Back’. I’m sure they’re even multiplying. They should all wear labelled hats. I used to have a thing for William (I’m too mature and serious to be called Billy anymore) Baldwin; that was in the days of Backdraft. I recently saw him on that new programme Dirty Sexy Money and he seems to have spent the last few years turning into his brother Alec (or is it Daniel)? Who the fuck can tell the difference anymore? All I know is that one of them is now a preacher, one of them is on Celebrity Rehab and another of them got caught up in a media scandal for calling his 11 year old daughter a ’selfish little pig’ during a taped phone message. Perhaps that was the reason why my Baldwin dream was strangely preceded by the bizarre dream about me accidently hurting a little girl posing as a hair bobble. Although neither is a case for social services, they’re clearly not right.
Is there going to be a domain reserved in my brain now for Baldwin related stuff?
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