The other day I found myself dodging three different sets of clipboard people. No, I don’t want any mobile phone shit. No, I don’t want to change electricity companies. No, I don’t want to change internet service provider. I was only out for half an hour. All I wanted was a loaf of bread and some eggs instead I find myself getting chased down by these clipboard toting maniacs. I walk into a supermarket, out of the corner of my eye I spot a double act straight off. I sidestep down the fruit and veg aisle only to find myself cornered by one of them at the dairy produce. The wily little woman had cut me off at the pass. The clipboard has become an offensive weapon, never mind knife or gun toting teenagers it’s these feral clipboard people that you have to look out for. They could see I was trying to avoid them. How hungry for a sale would you have to be? Since when could you shop for electricity at the supermarket anyway? In my day, walking at a fast pace was enough to deter them, now they hunt you down trying to get you to jump ship from their competitors. This is not proper clipboard etiquette. If they choose to disregard protocol in this way then so should I…by assaulting them with a stick of celery or slapping them round the face a few times with a lettuce. To add insult to injury no sooner had I escaped hitman number 1 than henchman number 2 appeared out of nowhere from behind the confectionary aisle. Take the hint. If I step into my local store to grab a packet of tampons I do not want to have to break stride to talk to you.
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